<“Dr.” Phil says, “you may want to have small children leave the room now.” :hammer: >
Actually, you may not. The fact that, in my experience, men over forty still have trouble finding a woman’s clitoris, and the fact that one less recent ex of mine wrote a short story about an advventure we went on and described the “incredibly difficult task of getting a woman off” and his very noteworthy accomplishment (by hand, on a Greyhound bus, and no, I got myself off by grinding the seat!), scares me. He never brought me to orgasm once, but one of his favourite claims regarding our sex life was that, “God, himself was masturbating when we had sex”. Is there that little emphasis on a woman’s experience of pleasure during sex in our culture that young through middle-aged men haven’t, and thus, may likely die not ever having, found a clitoris on a living woman? I don’t know about you, but I find this scary. So is having something in that general area rubbed so hard it feels like your partner is trying to push it back into your body – especailly, when magically, the very sensitive target has been hit by fluke.
Now, I have no “mainstream” political/feminist values about pornography. Actually, as soon as I discovered it as a young teenager, I started watching. However I absolutely detest porn when it is obvious that the pleasure is one-sided (i.e. only the man in the video is experiencing pleasure). I really don’t understand how fast and hard anal sex, as pictured in porn films, could ever be pleasurable for a woman. It’s very easy for me to tell if a woman is enjoying herself, and the same is true of some men, but a rare few. I am a picky porn-watcher, usually watching lesbian stuff because watching the “parts” I have being satisfied is much more enjoyable to me than watching a penis being pleasured, since I have no idea what it feels like and imagine it is somewhat different. I really despise watching a woman give a man a blowjob. They call it a “job” for good reason.
In a sociology of sexuality class one day (an exceptionally poor class comprised solely of activities like the one I will describe…), the “professor” (I have no idea how she obtained this title) had us sit in groups of four and name as many terms we could for male so masturbation. As it took us far less than the given twenty minutes to come up with a list – goddess knows what the instructor had left to do, not being a smoker – and all group member stared at one another awkwardly, I tried to strike up some conversation on topic =. I asked the two men in the group if they thought that most men learned how to have sex through watching pornography. They were eager and adamant about saying, “yes!!” Yikes. And end of conversation – I suppose I should have asked a more “open-ended question”! Not much clitoral stimulus going on in mainstream porn, as opposed to the stuff I watch. This is definitely part of the problem. When the professor came back, each group was to write the names they had come up with on the board. Duplicates were erased, and we were to write them down.
“Okay, good work guys! See you next class.”
What the eff? It actually would have been somewhat interesting to examine the names – the violence behind terms like “whacking off” and “choking the chicken”, the mundane and very unsexy nature of “jacking off” or “rubing one out”, and the hilarity of “spanking the monkey” or “stroking the weasel”. Never mind the lack of terminology for female masturbation, consisting primarily of clitoral stimulation. Perhaps there was a connection of some sort… I was the only person who offered a colloquialism for the practice – “jilling off”. The prof laughed, along with a couple of other women in the class. A depressingly small number of women in the class.
Women that don’t even know the location? Okay, come on now. Why do North Americans have such a problem with “getting to know” their own bodies, and worshiping them, enjoying all the pleasure they can provide? Mommy and daddy aren’t going to scold you for touching yourself anymore, and probably are nowhere nearby.
I must now give a huge shout out to my private girl’s school in Winnipeg, where in grade nine or ten – nine, I think – we were hoarded into the gym and given the best “sex-ed” type presentation ever. There was a board with about 50 different colours and sizes of condoms, a lot of dildos of a lot of sizes, and even a “Venus Butterfly”! It prompted a girl in the back to whisper a question about its use, and the absolutely sexy and confident woman presenting (yes, a little jealous and a little crush and a little “I want to be her”, so, now, a little smile – a big one, actually. Yes.) to ask, “you girls do know where your clits are, right?” The silence was absolute, until I let out a snicker. The broken silence I guess caused one of the “popular with boyfriend-status girls” to ask, “how will we know when we’ve found it?”, which was answered with, “Oh, you will know it!” Brilliant.
Now, the clitoris is not that damn hard to find – nothing like the elusive G-Spot. Perhaps the best way to describe it to men is to relate it to their bodies. “It’s like a tiny little penis with foreskin, close to the urethra, really, nothing more than a mini-version of your “hot beef” (and yes, it’s “injection”, absolutely hilarious and sexier than anything I’ve ever heard in the English language, no doubt! Please, take me now! :norose: )
In the back of the auditorium, as the lovely “psychologist” gave this lecture on safe sex and female masturbation, the majority of the teachers (almost all women) seated behind us looked rather uncomfortable., like they had just swallowed something disgusting and were trying desperately not to puke before they made it to the washroom. Her presentation was truly awesome though – I’ll always wonder how many of my peers went home to “find it” that night (I think that night I got off as a wondered, that night…). Then I wonder how many of them told their boyfriends, instructed them on how to do it just right, etc. I’m guessing not as many. It is our fault too, in part – by “faking it”, men will never learn how to pleasure a woman properly. However, women who “know how they like it” are branded as sluts – we’re not supposed to know these secrets, as how on Earth could we unless we had been with a bunch of other men who demonstrated the mysteries of the female body!?!? :fuck3:
My main question though, is why wasn’t the same presentation given at the local boys’ schools equivalent to my girls’ school? Why were boys and girls split up into two different groups when given “sex talks” at certain grades? Wouldn’t it have been a lot better if we had learned together?
Or, at our non-co-ed schools, boys could maybe be taught where the clitoris is located? Would that be insane? Lead to unprotected sex among minors? Well, no one would want to start a “new” trend!
And so, I have had a rather disappointing sex life so far as I reach 26. Out of about ten men (a high estimate re: men) I’ve been with – not doing the one-night stand thing much – only one has successfully brought me to climax. This said, I am an incredibly sexual person – I had my first orgasm at 11 and probably “rubbed one out” almost as often as my teenage boy counterparts for a good chunk of my adolescence. But hell, I have faked it – I’m incredibly adept at doing so – I can even make myself get a lot wetter, make my vagina contract, etc. C’mon guys, do you think it’s difficult to make those sounds? The main reason I’ve put on this act, is because a lot of these men “don’t want to come before you”, but they’re so clueless that this proposition is scary. It is scary because a lot of the positions that men beg for, ones that they usually admit to have “come up with” by watching porn – and from experience they are seemingly a man’s best friend, second only to anal sex – but they hurt. Most other thousands of creative possibilities do not, so why should we have act out the role of Jenna Jameson – isn’t it enough just to pleasure one another, to be us? And you might be very proud of your large penis – cool, it’s very pretty, but I don’t know why you’re showing off to me – it a sex marathon is decidedly going to be for dessert, it gets really sore to “make love”/”have sex”/”fuck” more than once per night a lot of the time, and depending on length per session, twice, in one night. I suppose that’s the price you (should) pay for being with the studliest stud in the men’s locker room? Damn, suddenly it sounds like we’re back in high school, but, no, guys, you can’t have your cake and eat it too! Your massive member means less sex. (I know, that idiom makes no sense, but it fits!)
If a woman is to be pleasured, the majority cannot reach orgasm, or even come close, with mere penetration. Thus you’ve just gotta know where her clit is. I wish mom’s would teacher their boys, but I suppose this would be a little weird, so look at some pictures of female anatomy! Like these:
|2 Clitoral Hood (prepuce)|
|3 Labia Majora (outer lips)|
|4 Labia Minora (inner lips)|
|5 Urethral opening|
|6 Vaginal opening|
or the other million available on the web, like this 3-D one! Then, ask questions – “does this feel good, baby?” And don’t be afraid to hear, “no.” It’s not an insult, it’s just going to make you a much better lover in turn. Now, women – it is our responsibility to tell a man when he is not doing it right and you are either extremely bored and awaiting this interruption to your day to be over, or are in pain. Men are not psychic like we are. :nohope: . But we are alike in the fact that we should both be having an equal amount of fun in the bedroom, and pleasure should be completely reciprocal. If it is not, what is the point? Yes, it might be frightening to tell a guy he’s not making you feel a thing, but if his reaction is frightening, then you’ve saved yourself a few dates with an asshole, haven’t you?
I think you will find that talking about these things is not at all embarassing as you may expect, but a pretty great turn-on. If there’s one thing better than sex (in the whole bodily realm of being), it is talking about sex.
That’s true for me, anyhow, so don’t feel too crazy if you don’t share this opinion! :siul:
I was getting there with the last one…the next one is going to have some work out for him if he, too, is in his thirties, and still doesn’t now how to make me ***! :gila: