First, a few quotes from my pal R.D. Laing:
“When we invalidate people or deny their perceptions and personal experiences, we make mental invalids of them. When one’s feelings are denied a person can be made to feel crazy even they are perfectly mentally healthy.”
“True guilt is guilt at the obligation one owes to oneself to be oneself. False guilt is guilt felt at not being what other people feel one ought to be or assume that one is.”
If you refuse to read past this point, it is guaranteed that you are responsible for emotional invalidation. See ya!
Common Phrases Uttered By Those Who Invalidate
- “That is totally absurd!”
- “Grow up/Get a life“
- “Don’t be so sensitive.”
- “Your life is not that bad!!”
- “Stop being so emotional.”
- “Stop taking everything so personally!”
- “You are blowing this way out of proportion.”
- “Don’t you ever think of anyone but yourself??”
- “This is getting really old/pathetic.”
- “I help you! I’ve tried to help you!”
- “Don’t let it get to you!”
- “Get over it. Get over your problems.”
- “We’re all sick of everyone being mad at each other so please, just shut up, and get over your problems.”
- “You just need to get over this.“
- “Don’t be/look so serious all of the time!”
- “Don’t look so _____.”
- “Don’t think so much!!!“
- “It doesn’t bother anyone else, why should it bother you?”
Right now I am in a place where hearing these words is a part of my daily existence. I’m not going to last much longer. This is to say, I don’t care where I end up, as long as I don’t have to hear this crap. I know my feelings are valid because, I feel them!
Emotional invalidation, the most damaging form of emotional abuse, (“but this is not an abusive environment!” cries emotional invalidator #5027304) a concept from psychology that I actually believe in very strongly, being victim to it, and the damage done, all my life! As do, well, all psychologists, including R.D., Freud, Jung, and all the rest. And all people of sound mind. If you don’t want to believe me, Google “emotional invalidation.” Now, this is not to say that all persons invalidated aren’t frustrating people to deal with. However, a reasonable response to emotional invalidation is:
“I feel judged/invalidated/hurt. Please stop.”
This is the response of someone with a high understanding of emotions, and a high “emotional quotient”. A personal with a low “emotional quotient”, that is to say, a person who has a hell of a hard time understanding how other people feel, will jump at this as an opportunity to keep on invalidating!
- “You’re being too ridiculous for words.”
- “I refuse to have this discussion.”
- “This kind of talk just makes me sick.”
Oh, really? Does it make you “sick”? Does it keep you up all night? Does it make you self-harm? Does it make you contemplate suicide on a daily basis?
Does it make you want to die, to just drop dead, here, now, please, just let me fucking die?
In all honesty, I would rather live on the street,
than hear another word of this garbage.