Recovering From Emotional Invalidation

jenniferlreimerEmotional Invalidation, Family

IMG_5122

The sadness is so heavy.  I want to jump out of my body so that I don’t have to feel like this. Be careful what you want, I lost my mind for 3 days.  Lost any concept of my “self”.  I asked, “Who is me???”  I saw patterns in everything, I felt close to death, haunted, maybe.  Haunted by the … Read More

jenniferlreimerRecovering From Emotional Invalidation

Little Sister, Still Glad you Came…Oh, Little Sister, You’ll Forgive Me One Day

jenniferlreimer...but could not address., Family, Mad Music

tori amos suede

When I was “good enough”, though far from any fantasy, of her’s, of his, of anyone’s.  Of mine.  Of mine… I sat next to little sister, little daughter, little gotta few friends, in this same theatre in Toronto, watching Tori.  She did not perform this song that night, but she did last time I saw her.  It was hands down … Read More

jenniferlreimerLittle Sister, Still Glad you Came…Oh, Little Sister, You’ll Forgive Me One Day

Stigma and Antidepressants

jenniferlreimerCultural Studies, Meds, Meds, Meds!, Other Survivors

silenced

I am collecting the stories of people like me who have been stigmatized – called names, shunned, harassed, etc. – by family, friends, and/or strangers because, like me, you take antidepressants and/or other psych meds so that you can live like a “normal person*”. (*almost…sometimes…kind of…) From the Practice of Madness Facebook Page: ” I’m called a pill popper by some … Read More

jenniferlreimerStigma and Antidepressants

Six Feet Under: Television for Serial Insomniacs, Christmas Rejects, and the Terminally Insane

jenniferlreimerAcademia is Nuts!, Bipolar, Mad Society, Other Survivors, The Psych Ward, Transcend

It is 4:25 am.  My lucky number, 25.  Cat Power is singing in my ears and my dad is sound asleep in the hotel bed beside me, as I listen to Cat Power’s album Dear Sir, named after that poem written by Anne Sexton that I always mix up with the work of Sylvia Plath, and may have done the … Read More

jenniferlreimerSix Feet Under: Television for Serial Insomniacs, Christmas Rejects, and the Terminally Insane

Something in Between, I Guess

jenniferlreimerBipolar, Meds, Meds, Meds!, The Psych Ward, Transcend

I have a brand new scar on my left calf, and the story of how it got there is a real doozer.  I am reminded of the lyrics of two of my favourite Leonard Cohen songs: “It looks like freedom but it feels like death, it’s something in between, I guess, it’s closing time.” (“Closing Time”, L. Cohen) and, “There’s … Read More

jenniferlreimerSomething in Between, I Guess

“Have You Taken Your Meds Today?”

jenniferlreimer"Health Care", Bipolar, East Van, Effexor: Evil?, Feminism and Madness, Mad Society, Meds, Meds, Meds!, The Psych Ward, Transcend

Alas, a question that us psych patients have heard far too many times – after all, one time is “too many” – from our nearest and dearest.  However, it was no one near, nor dear, that, very bizarrely, popped the question to me the other day.  An “anonymous” prank phone caller, after eerily listing off a list of women’s names in monotone … Read More

jenniferlreimer“Have You Taken Your Meds Today?”

Kumbaya Blogging and Online Communities

jenniferlreimerMad Society, Transcend

“Kumbaya is the future, because it’s how we’re wired. We’re social monkeys, and we’ll form a community given the least excuse to do so. Combine mass communication technology with that hard wiring and you’ve got a potent combination.” Amen!  I do not share links all that often, do I?  However, I was sent an e-mail with a link to this … Read More

jenniferlreimerKumbaya Blogging and Online Communities

My Cat and I Caused My Aunt to Drive Off a Cliff :(

jenniferlreimerBipolar, Feminism and Madness, Poetry, Prose, Personal, Transcend

In a previous post, I mentioned that my aunt was under the belief that I had read a letter she wrote me about who was to blame for the car “accident” that took place when she attempted to drive me to Vancouver.  (My belief firmly remains that no one is to blame but that it was her responsibility to drive us … Read More

jenniferlreimerMy Cat and I Caused My Aunt to Drive Off a Cliff :(

The Twenty Year-Old (and the Sixty-Five Year-Old)

jenniferlreimerFeminism and Madness, Poetry, Prose, Personal, Transcend

The Twenty Year Old (and The Sixty Four Year Old) My sister finally made an appearance at my dad’s house “for Christmas” after being absent for my entire ten day visit, including Christmas dinner.  I was flabbergasted that she is not fed words by my father that would induce a guilt trip – each morning during my visit, when he … Read More

jenniferlreimerThe Twenty Year-Old (and the Sixty-Five Year-Old)

Heavy

jenniferlreimerPoetry, Prose, Personal

The whole city of Vancouver has been incredibly heavy for several weeks now, heavy with grey humidity that seemed it would never go away until this weekend when the sun came out of hiding, heavy like the bags of cans that more and more residents carry – two huge garbage bags on each shoulder that will amount to enough change … Read More

jenniferlreimerHeavy

Father Lucifer (or, how parents become children when children become adults)

jenniferlreimerPoetry, Prose, Personal

An extra dose of clonazepam.  It’s okay, scars, if there was any a time for it, this is it. He arrives, Air Canada flight 517, YWG to YVR, at 9:20 pm.  I cancel a dinner date.  I need these three hours before his arrival to myself. I take the pills after my chest tightens.  Three hours.  He purchased a one-way … Read More

jenniferlreimerFather Lucifer (or, how parents become children when children become adults)

“Yes, that was a weird thing to do…”

jenniferlreimerFeminism and Madness, Mad Society, Poetry, Prose, Personal, The Psych Ward

“…to ask me to read my IKEA bill aloud.  What’s going on?  What’s wrong?”, I ask my dad.  2000 miles away he sits in a dark, well-furnished but empty, tastefully decorated bedroom.  Cherry coloured wood with muted silver.  The bedding is folded perfectly, ready for you to get in, isn’t it.  I wonder if I will be able to afford … Read More

jenniferlreimer“Yes, that was a weird thing to do…”

Trying to get the last word in from 2000 miles away?

jenniferlreimerMy Favourite Authors, Poetry, Prose, Personal, The Psych Ward, Transcend

About to be released from the psych ward, pairing up with a great new friend I met here to get our lives in order (one more time now! :rain:   ) and keep the pact made that we will try our very damnedest from now on to live each day such that we please each of our selves and are happy with and … Read More

jenniferlreimerTrying to get the last word in from 2000 miles away?

Welcome to…scarsarestories’ Christmas

jenniferlreimerMad Music, Meds, Meds, Meds!, Poetry, Prose, Personal, Transcend

Excuse the part when I try to go for the high note – I had to do this in one brave take.  I’m terrified of singing in front of other people, but hell, a lousy Christmas, ending in my dad’s decision to let me move to Toronto ASAP because K. cannot stand my presence interfering with her’s here – apparently … Read More

jenniferlreimerWelcome to…scarsarestories’ Christmas

Treated like a Criminal for Being in Pain? Got Mental Illness, too?: Psychiatry’s Fetish With “Dual Diagnosis”

jenniferlreimer"Health Care", Ads and Commercials, Bipolar, Feminism and Madness, Mad Society, Sociology of Medicine

I’ve been bleeding for eleven days now. I am sick and tired.  My endometriosis is getting worse just as it did last winter.  Each period is more painful, and I’m driven a little batty this time, by my family’s reaction to the fact that I control the pain with hydromorphone (Dilaudid).  She’s bipolar and she’s taking potentially addictive medication. Though … Read More

jenniferlreimerTreated like a Criminal for Being in Pain? Got Mental Illness, too?: Psychiatry’s Fetish With “Dual Diagnosis”